im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
