Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
