they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
