Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
