my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
