There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
