Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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