Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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(949): View more from California

I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.

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(818): View more from California

Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."

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(516): View more from New York

The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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(660): View more from Missouri

I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.

(1-660): View more from Missouri

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER

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(507): View more from Minnesota

He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.

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(254): View more from Texas

All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.

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