apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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