The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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