Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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