I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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