His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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