If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
