don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
