Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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