Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
