I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
