i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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