capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
