How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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