your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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