let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
