Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
