I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize