She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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