there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
