Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A+ Viking dick
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
