Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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