You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
