She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This toilet bowl is my home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
