boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
