At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
