You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
