she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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