Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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