New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
