You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
