If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
