You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
