Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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