Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
