he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize