Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
