Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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