the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
