So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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