the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
