Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
