hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
