How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
