I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
