i think i have herpe
just one?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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