love makes seman taste better
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
