She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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