I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
