The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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