People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
