maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you never un-have a 4some
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i out mim tonsoeep
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