So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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