You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do vagina's smell?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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