I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
