Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They have beer where we have blood.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize