Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
