the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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