How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jerry, you need to find god
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
