You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
